I should probably say something about what's been going on lately, seeing as there's been some incidents.
Went to the Rafter K derby. Got into a bad situation in the clinic, bad that spiraled into worse and even worse, ended up breaking my face. No, really. I got a teeny hairline fracture in my jaw and a big honkin' sprain to go with it. MT was absolutely wonderful, and TW and TD when they got there -- MT did his best to work me through fear and stress before dressage the next morning, and he didn't yell at me for throwing in the towel before jumping at all. What's more, nobody yelled at me for scratching on the derby the next weekend, either. I tried, I really did -- I went out Friday night to school the fences with MT and my lesson partner and another friend, but I found myself unable to face down a single cross-rail.
That was really a shock, honestly. I wasn't expecting to be so upset, wasn't expecting to be so freakin' scared. And my poor little horse wasn't in her best frame of mind either. MT had schooled her over the xc questions at home that had been problems at Rafter K, but still. I was nervous, she was nervous, and life wasn't particularly good. Not to mention painful. Seriously, I did NOT expect a slightly-broken jaw to be as staggering as it has been. I was able to compartmentalize my collarbone pain, the shoulder pain (though that still causes problems ... but hell if I was going to keep up with the rest break), et cetera, but something about this really threw me for a loop.
So yeah. I think my lesson from that is that clinicing with other teachers is just a bad idea right now, for one, and for two, in retrospect, I need to learn to manage fear/worry/anxiety better. Keeping Reveille moving forward and not tensing up my hands, shoulders, and butt will be a much better solution to being nervous than my reaction at RK, which was to keep her slow.
However!! I've been back in lessons for a couple of weeks, and we're doing much, much better. I don't worry in our home arenas, and I think it'll be a good idea for me to just stay home for the rest of the year and work on our jumping. Work on my position, my fitness, my confidence -- work on Rev's experience, her confidence, and her ability. We're doing a lot, a LOT, of trot poles to jumps, building from cross rails to small verticals to less small verticals to a one-stride double, and eventually to a one-stride triple, quad, et cetera. And then lines. All very logical and designed to really work on rider position and education.
I might say this often enough, but I don't think so -- I can't even express how grateful I am for my teachers. And for my lesson group. We three are all adult women with some experience but not enough, and Rev and one of the other horses are about the same age, with their own sets of young-horse issues. The third horse is just a saint of a TB, but he has his own issues too. ;) And MT, TW, and TD are all amazing with all of us. Patient, willing to challenge us, and very well matched to our rather logical, analytical minds. :) And they can deal with the irrational fears all three of us seem to develop every now and then. Heh.
Overall? I couldn't be in a better situation. Even with a broken face. :)