Thursday, February 23, 2012

Quickly, because I am working and have to get back to it:

I went out and got my butt in the saddle on Tuesday. Just WTC both directions, get Rev to stretch down, lots of brush'n'hug, and yknow, it felt really good. Unsurprisingly. It felt awesome to be riding just to ride. And it was great to see people at the barn, too.

Yesterday was awful windy, and I had dinner plans with a friend, so I did that instead of ride. I can forgive this -- the time with my friend was priceless and seems to have been the final nail in the coffin for this depressive period. :)

Today I happened to stumble across my motivation while I was bopping down the road of the day. Thank God. :) I am feeling good, healthier, and like I've climbed back onto the balance beam successfully. So I'm really, really looking forward to riding tonight. Gonna have to improvise on the footwear, though, because the Bogs I have just don't fit right, and I'm already nursing various blisters and tears on my heels/ankles. Might hafta get my riding boots muddy. Anyway, be that as it may, I plan to ride sans draw reins tonight, focusing on soft hands and elbows and steady contact to bring Rev down and round. We'll put the draws back on this weekend, once we've both done a few more things a few more days in a row. When we're ready to WORK. This ride and Friday's free jump runs will be work.

Rock on -- I'm ready for this now. Whew!!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Faking it

Well, maybe not so normal.

I haven't been posting, you're right. I went and rode several times after that last post, and then things kind of exploded. It's been a combination of not feeling good physically, some depression, and a lot of money problems that are in no way my fault. Of course, knowing that the money problems aren't my fault doesn't help -- I still get really down about it. So I've spent the last couple weeks in a pretty thick fog. I can't get up the oomph to go to the barn and even brush my poor horse, much less ride her. Being sick hasn't helped, either; coughing and wheezing isn't all that productive.

So I've been away from the barn for various reasons, physical, mental, and financial. I've gotten to the point now, though, that I need to just suck it up and do it. Fake it until I make it, basically. I'm still tired, still a little foggy, still feeling not good enough and like a failure, still not able to take lessons for the rest of the month due to money issues, and generally feeling pretty down. But I have to just fight through. I've had a break, and I have enough gas to get around now, not to mention two new tires (surprise), and like I said -- I have to fake it until I make it, emotionally and mentally. Even if I'm not feeling up to riding, even if all I really want to do is go home and be a lump, I have to fake myself into going to the barn and riding. A few days of going through the motions should, I hope, remind me how much I love what I do and how un-fun it is to be depressed. I wish I didn't have to deal with this sort of thing, even on the semi-annual basis that I get it. I know lots of people who have to deal with this kind of depression every day, every week, things like that. I'm extraordinarily fortunate, but not so fortunate that I don't have to deal with it at all.

Anyway, yes. Riding tonight, and tomorrow, and every day this week except maybe Friday. Just Do It. Yeah?