Quickly: The derby at home was a total disaster. It was cold, it rained, and I fell off three times in two days. I had a bad, bad weekend. I've scratched from Golden Spike. I'm healing a mild concussion, a deep hip bruise, and a sprained finger. I'm also taking serious steps toward fixing my damn brain/emotions/attitude and my out-of-balance body. I don't care that I'm not even at BN level yet -- I want this to work. I want to event. I want to fly around cross-country without freezing up. My horse is awesome and she can completely, totally do this. It's me that needs adjustment.
And honestly, I've had weekends this bad before. Including falling twice in a day. I think this is common, yes? I just need to get better. In all ways. Trying to avoid negative thoughts and self-talk (to be all pop-psych about it), trying to find a good, constructive way to direct anger. Thinking too hard about it still makes me choke up, though.
So ... I'm back to the saddle today. Off to go ride around in two-point. New rule for the month of June: no dressage saddle. Jumping position practice only. Except maybe for a Test of Choice, but we'll see.
I could use some encouragement.