I think I said something like this last year after my adventures at Rafter K, but: last weekend seems to have affected me more than I realized at first. It's not physical any more (my head is better, but my hand and hip still hurt; they'll take more time); it's emotional. I'm in that place where I oversleep and find myself needing time away to get my head together. Working on not feeling guilty for needing said time. I have to remind myself that riding isn't my job. It's what I love to do, and it's okay if I need some time to sort out my head, or do the things that pay for all of this. I am who I am, even if I'm not as strong or as ... committed? whatever ... as other people. I can do this, but I have to have a little more time to finish picking up the pieces of my confidence and fitting them back together.
So ... yeah. Didn't make it to lessons this weekend. I'm conflicted about this -- oversleeping has become a symptom of something going on in my head instead of just How It Is any more. I want to be ready to jump back on and jump, but I think the time while the barn is off at a show this coming week will be good for me to just get on and ride, practice position, and kind of be alone in my head while I do it. No pressure, just ... ride. Stay in the saddle for a few rides before I go jump anything again.
I know I can do all this. I can. Just ... hang on a sec while I find the last little bits of my brain, k?
As I always feel, we are all individuals dealing with our own stuff and all our situations are different. Don't compare yourself it anyone else, breathe, and take your time, as much time as you need. It's a journey.
ReplyDeleteI totally get this. Totally.
ReplyDeleteDon't give yourself any deadlines or pressure--just keep doing what you love and see where you end up going. It's looking like it might be the jumper ring for Cuna and I, which isn't what I expected, but you know what? It's fun. Way fun.
You'll find your happy place. :-p Hopefully it's close enough to mine that we can actually hang out occasionally.